Well, looks like I’ve been falsely accused of thinking I’m “better than everyone” and that I “can do no wrong” once again. People need to stop taking everything I say in a holier-than-thou tone. It’s really pissing me off. So what if I got offended that some said “R.I.P. flutes of Bellevue East. They all played wrong notes” when in reality it was between two and four people that played the wrong note! Excuse me for believing it’s wrong to put an umbrella over an entire section because a couple of people are far too stubborn to write in an accidental for once in their careers. As well, saying “Only part of the back row.” is not saying “The back row of flutes is not ‘perfect’ like me.” There are plenty of wonderful flute players that fix their mistakes after realizing it that choose to sit in the back row. Additionally, deleting my comments does not mean I cannot “stand the heat.” It only mean I don’t want to put up with your bullshit. I have tried to help the flutes that continually miss rhythms and pitches; they refuse to listen/accept my advice. It is not my sole responsibility to take care of all of their problems in addition to the ones I have. And finally, I do not believe I am perfect in any way, shape, or form. I own up to my mistakes. I make mistakes often. I am human. I fail tests. I miss key changes. I forget to do homework. I. Am. Not. Perfect.
I just wish people would stop thinking that I felt that way about myself.
I really do not want to go to school tomorrow. I’m so sick of the people there. Like Deacon. I swear, if I get a Dean Referral for threatening him for being perverted and annoying, then I will scream. I hate that damn substitute.
“‘Cause you are beautiful inside, so lovely and I
Can’t see why I’d do anything without you, you are
And when I’m not with you, I know that it’s true
That I’d rather be anywhere but here without you
Anywhere but here, anywhere but here”
Thank god for teachers like Mr. Raabe. If it weren’t for his caring, along with Alicia, I would probably have started cutting again tonight. Today, that douche bag told me no one liked me. Situation: Hardin was gone for tech training, so Dbag and I were discussing who would conduct for wind ensemble. Dbag: A few people told me to conduct but I don’t really want to. Me: Well, if no one else wants to, I will. Dbag: No one likes you. …… What the fuck?!? 1) How does that even fucking relate and 2) just because I hate you and you hate me and we aren’t one big happy family does not mean everyone hates me. Fucker. But, since Dbag has shot down my self-confidence since the day I met him, I believed the rat bastard. So, I fought through 15 minutes of class in almost tears until I could run off to the fucking bathroom to cry for the millionth time because of him this year. Alicia was one of the only ones to notice I left, but she told me he was just an ass and couldn’t speak for everyone. Then, as my face was still red and blotchy (joy), I returned to grab my stuff. Dbag noticed I had been crying and said “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said what I did. I should have thought before saying anything.” No dip. I just ignored his apology and hit him with a “Maybe you should think, huh.” I got to Government with a still red face. Raabe noticed 5 minutes into class and pulled me into the hallway. He asked me what was wrong and actually listened. When I was done he asked if he needed to yell at Dbag for me or what he could do to help me feel better, anything I needed.
Teachers like Raabe are few and far between. I am so happy to have him this year. He’s like my 40-year-old best friend.
I would rather kill myself than go back to that fucking hell hole. I hate every single fucking student there. My only “friends” are the couple of teachers that can stand to hear me talk. No one likes me. I don’t even have anyone in this city to go talk to. It is so fucking hard to live here…
